Flying makes me philosophical.

By that, I mean it makes me ask a lot of existential questions, such as:

Do airlines know how to tell time?

Do airlines understand what size most American adults are these days?

Why do airlines load passengers from the front of the plane to the back of the plane, when the reverse would clearly be more efficient?

How did my life choices lead to me sitting in this impossibly uncomfortable chair with my shoes stuck in my backpack straps below the seat in front of me while a grown-ass woman behind me drunkenly yells at her boyfriend to, “Shut the (bleep) up!” at least a hundred times during one three-hour flight?

Why hasn’t anyone invented a conveyor system for carry-on baggage that would just zip it right off the plane to the waiting area?

And finally, when will we just be able to beam ourselves to the desired destination, a la Star Trek, preferably without our DNA getting all scrambled up?

You may have deduced that I’ve been doing some flying lately, and you are correct. My wife Grace and I have recently taken two trips — a long weekend excursion in March to see our son who lives in San Antonio, Texas, and a weeklong adventure in early April to three national parks in Utah.

Two drunks behind me, and yes I got tickled

The Utah trip was uneventful as far as connecting flights and being on time, so kudos to United Airlines for a job well done.

The San Antonio trip was another matter entirely.

On Thursday, March 20, we were trying to fly from Asheville to Charlotte, then on to San Antonio, all via American Airlines. We arrived in plenty of time at the Asheville airport — two hours ahead of boarding, as is recommended — but the plane was an hour late arriving at AVL because of “crew issues,” the gate employee said.

We had about a 40-minute connection in Charlotte, and as we had to trek two terminals away, we figured we were not going to make the connecting flight to San Antonio. So we canceled the flight and rebooked for the next morning.

But as we prepared to leave, a very nice and professional manager assured us our flight would arrive in Charlotte only 10 minutes behind schedule, in plenty of time to make our connection to San Antonio. He also went on the public address system to tell the other passengers the same information — that everyone should make their connecting flights.

So we then rebooked again our original plan.

We did indeed land in Charlotte about 10 minutes late — but then we had a long wait on the tarmac to reach a gate, with two planes in line ahead of us.

The clock was ticking, and not in our favor.

You may have deduced from my affinity for beer that I’m not exactly a runner, as I’m six feet tall and let’s just say well over 220 pounds. Still, my wife and I, who are both 61 years old and unwisely scrappy, attempted to run/jog/awkwardly speed-walk to the gate, pulling suitcases, backpacks and my trusty CPAP machine.

We missed the San Antonio flight by three minutes. The flight attendant walking away from the gate said curtly, “The flight is closed.” We could see the damn plane still at the gate, with the jet bridge still attached, but no dice — once it’s closed, you’re spending the night in a hotel.

American did pay for our hotel that night and gave us each $12 meal vouchers, which I’ll note covered 11 French fries and the top of the sandwich bun. Really, do they not realize that even Taco Bell runs about 15 bucks a person these days (and that comes with a voucher for Immodium)?

The rebooked morning flight was a doozy, leaving at the crack of dawn. We had to arrive at the airport at 3:30 a.m. for a flight departing at 5:30 a.m., so obviously, we didn’t sleep much. 

At the gate while we waited, I noticed an extremely drunk couple who were constantly arguing with one another and generally being annoying. I told my wife, “I guarantee you they’ll end up right behind us.”

I was half right. Grace was seated a few rows ahead of me and on the opposite side of the aisle, so she missed all the fun. Besides the woman constantly cursing at her boyfriend, she also flipped out while the plane was taxiing, running down the aisle in fright and hollering. 

I kid you not.

Even before that the captain had come back to talk to them, asking if they were OK to fly and noting that if he had to divert the plane because of their behavior, that would be a federal offense. They offered assurances they would behave.

These folks looked to be in their late 20s, maybe early 30s, so it’s not like they were kids. 

After the taxiing incident, the flight attendants made numerous appearances, telling the couple firmly to calm down and extracting promises that they would behave. The dude, who I must note was wearing pajama bottoms in public, had an annoying habit of adding “Mum” to everything he said to the female attendants, as in, “We won’t be a problem, Mum,” and “Thank you, Mum.”

I strongly wanted to smack him at this point and scream, “You’re not British, you bloody plonker!” 

They continued to make a scene during most of the flight, eliciting another philosophical question for me: Why can’t drunk people who’ve been up all night just go the hell to sleep? Trust me, it feels great.

At one point, the woman kind of tickled me in the ribs — swear to God. I turned around with a look that would burn holes in space shuttle tiles, and she apologized. So I let it go.

When we landed in San Antonio about two and a half hours later, the pilot came on to say we had a long taxi and to keep your seatbelts fastened. The ding dong then realized she hadn’t had hers fastened for the entire flight and proceeded to flip out again, wailing, “I don’t feel safe! I don’t feel safe!”

At this point, the guy next to me had had it, stood up and firmly told her to just be quiet, that she had ruined the entire flight for everyone around, we were five minutes from the gate and she just needed to chill. Oh, also she had apparently been tapping him on the back of head during the flight.

He was way nicer than I would’ve been, Mum. 

The upshot is we arrived in San Antonio exhausted and really frustrated. Two days in we just crashed and slept in until 10:30 a.m., which is pretty much unheard of for us these days.

I sent American Airlines media relations folks a long list of questions about this experience, but I didn’t hear back by deadline. Yes, they were late again.

One of my questions was, “What does ‘crew issues’ actually mean? Someone called out sick? Crew got delayed?” An American Airlines employee at the gate said it could include a range of issues, including sickness, being stuck in traffic or being involved in a car accident.

Fine. But they really should have a backup plan. And they also shouldn’t tell people they’re going to make their flight when the chance of actually making it is pretty small.

When we missed ours in Charlotte, about two dozen fellow travelers were in line with us rebooking flights, including one family with three kids. That’s a lot of people to inconvenience.

Late flights are all too common

It’s clear that airlines are understaffed, and we Americans are flying more than ever — not a great combination. Airlines for America, the trade association for the leading U.S. airlines, says more Americans are flying now than ever before — a record 158 million passengers are expected to take to the skies during this spring’s travel season.

So airports are crowded and flights get “stacked up” — we witnessed this at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport, where we taxied for about two days to get to the terminal, and at the Charlotte and Salt Lake City airports, where you’re lined up for take off like hungry customers at a taco truck.

Depending on your point of view, airlines are doing a pretty good job of getting us to and from the far distant places we like to vacation in. The federal Bureau of Transportation tracks all this, and here’s their chart on annual airline on-time rankings from data gathered from 2003-2024.

1. Hawaiian Airlines: 83.58 percent.
2. Delta Air Lines: 82.02
3. United Airlines: 79.14
4. Southwest Airlines: 78.57
5. Alaska Airlines: 77.43
6. Allegiant Air: 76.77
7. American Airlines: 75.91
8. Spirit Airlines: 74.48
9. JetBlue Airways: 73.06
10. Frontier Airlines: 69.50

The average for all carriers came in at 78.10 percent, which is about the grade that I passed high school chemistry with, so that seems not horrible-ish to me. But that still means they’re not on time 22 percent of the time, which ain’t great, either.

I realize that all of this is a first world problem — well, sort of. Airlines for America tells us, “Nearly 90 percent of Americans have flown commercially, with adults aged 18-24 having had the highest propensity to fly in 2024.” And, “More than two-thirds of Americans with household incomes under $75,000 have flown in the past five years.”

So we’re all flying more and dealing with all of these frustrations.

In the aviation world, lateness refers to any flight departure or arrival that’s more than 15 minutes late. The Sheffield School of Aeronautics in Florida notes that reasons for lateness include extreme weather, heavy airplane traffic at airports (which can often cause a ripple effect down the line), waiting for connecting passengers, or baggage and mechanical problems.

Clearly, some factors, like weather, are out of their control. But I also feel like airlines need to hire more people, which would likely involve boosting salaries.

And Lord knows whatever those wonderful American Airlines flight attendants were being paid on our nightmare flight to San Antonio was woefully inadequate.

Some tips, and a word about improvements coming to Asheville Regional

I love to bother Asheville Regional Airport spokesperson Tina Kinsey with any and all flying questions, even though the airport does not control the airlines, an important point to remember. Sure, Asheville Regional is a bit of a nightmare itself in some regards these days, as it’s going through a major renovation — more on that in a minute.

First, I asked Kinsey for some perspective on flying and the seemingly inherent frustrations. Of course she offered a positive take.

“I love my air travel days, even if my itinerary gets changed, because even after all these years of working in aviation, I am still amazed by the accessibility of the world within just a few hours of time,” Kinsey told me. “How else can we experience new far-away places, adventures, cultures, experiences?”

That is a fair point — it is pretty amazing to be in Asheville in the morning and in Arches National Park in Utah by evening, like we did. Kind of crazy if you think about it.

Honestly, I don’t know why the Mormons didn’t just fly out there back in the 1800s.

Kinsey also offered a few tips for improving the flight experience.

“For instance, when you book your flight, pay attention to the connection time at your connecting airport,” Kinsey said. “If you don’t want the stress of possibly missing your connection if your originating flight gets delayed, pad your itinerary with a longer connection time.”

We’ve learned that the hard way.

Kinsey also suggested downloading your airline’s app for immediate updates about changes to your flight’s itinerary. I can confirm that this is excellent advice, and that United was really great about sending text updates about upcoming gates and where our luggage was (American…not so much).

Kinsey also suggested bringing snacks, comfort items and some entertainment.

“My favorites are my iPad and headphones with downloaded movies or podcasts, my oversized wrap that I can use as a blanket, a few snacks and my empty water bottle that I can fill before boarding,” Kinsey said. “If my husband and I are traveling together, we always have a deck of cards and have even made temporary ‘airport friends’ over friendly games of poker, euchre or hearts.”

If she’s traveling for business, Kinsey brings a laptop and has projects ready to work on. I’m assuming this includes answering incessant Answer Man questions from yours truly.

She’s also a fan of walking about the airport and people watching, which I must admit I do, too. 

“And last, I find that the airport and airline employees I encounter when traveling are generally very helpful, especially if I approach them with courtesy,” Kinsey said. “I work with so many local aviation team members, and I can tell you that they are dedicated and helpful. They are our friends and neighbors, doing work that they care about, and smiles and courtesy in both directions go a long way.”

I do salute the employees, especially the flight attendants, because at times they’ve got a really tough gig.

More parking shuttles

Now, as some of our suffering does begin at Asheville Regional, I also asked Kinsey when the enormous renovation project is going to be done, and if they’ve done anything to alleviate parking woes. The airport has an ongoing $400 million expansion, called AVL Forward, that will increase terminal size by 150 percent, boost the number of gates to 12, from the current seven, and provide new bathrooms; a food, beverage and retail plaza, and multiple mini-galleries to display local art.

Kinsey said phase one of the project opens this June — ticketing by June 11, new north concourse on June 25. The first phase of an expanded baggage claim will open in early 2026.

Phase two is slated to open in late 2027, with phase three final construction for back-of-the-house areas completed by spring 2028.

On parking, Kinsey mentioned they recently added the Shuttle Lot South, with about 600 spaces, “and the addition of more shuttles has improved the parking experience significantly.” 

‘Additionally, the real-time parking availability data that we publish on the home page of our website has helped customers make parking decisions ahead of arriving at the airport,” Kinsey said. “We are continuing to add more surface parking in anticipation of future growth, to accommodate passengers until we construct a second parking garage.”

Grace and I traveled in fair weather, so we were just cold walking to and from the planes, as AVL right now doesn’t have covered jet bridges. We both said it must be miserable if you’re traveling in the rain and have to dash from the covered area by the gate and up the zig-zag ramp to get on the aircraft.

“The airport provided long covered walkways for our customers, and in inclement weather, most airlines typically stagger boarding in the uncovered areas and provide umbrellas,” Kinsey said.

In conclusion, I’d like to ask airlines to hire more people, make the seats more comfortable, be realistic if your flight isn’t going to make it, and give drunken fools the boot instead of the benefit of the doubt.

Oh, and please don’t force tubby 61-year-olds like me to run through airports. It’s just undignified.

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Asheville Watchdog is a nonprofit news team producing stories that matter to Asheville and Buncombe County. John Boyle has been covering Asheville and surrounding communities since the 20th century. You can reach him at (828) 337-0941, or via email at jboyle@avlwatchdog.org. To show your support for this vital public service go to avlwatchdog.org/support-our-publication/.

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